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You may be on his Favorites list but he hasn’t had the opportunity to contact you yet.So yes, Jane, don’t hesitate to contact that guy you’ve been eyeing. ” Presuming you’ve had a man write to you before, is it really all that interesting when he tells you that he thinks you’re cute?So why would you write an email that does the same thing?!If you want to meet a man at a bar, you cross the room, plant yourself eight feet to his diagonal, wait for eye contact and smile. While you might have “made the first move”, you’re still in control, since he has to approach you. Emails that tell a man that he’s interesting are dull.That is EXACTLY the metaphor I use for private clients in describing the “tone” you want to capture in your initial contact.You’d never hit on a guy at a bar by walking up to him and telling him that he’s cute, he seems nice, and that you’d like to buy him a drink.In reality, it’s seen as a passive-aggressive way of trying to bait someone else into making the first move. At worst, you’ve just sent the wrong message A proper first contact message is convoluted; you want to set certain expectations and convey an attractive image of yourself. It sounds a little cold-blooded and impersonal, but you’re going to want to have a stock first message. Treat approaching women on online dating sites should be like dynamite fishing; you want to toss your messages out there and see what floats to the surface.It’s a message that says “I’m too chicken-shit to/couldn’t be bothered to take the effort to write you first and so I’m hoping you’ll do the hard part for me.” It’s the Platonic Friend Gambit of online dating. You want to stand out from the crowd of men who are messaging her already. You need to keep certain guidelines in mind and build yourself a first contact template. One that doesn’t like a cut-and-paste job, but one that you can modify on the fly for any girl you might want to get in touch with. Shouldn’t you be carefully reading each girl’s profile and crafting each message to the girl like a special poem indicating just how special she is? And so,with an eye towards efficiency, you want to use your template to streamline the process while still maintaining that personal touch. Anything else a) makes you look like an illiterate and b) is going to turn her off about as fast as telling her you like to roll naked in week-old fish guts.
Now that you’ve had a week or two to write up your profile and dip your toe into the world of online dating, it’s time to take a step back and take stock. Even a terse “Fuck off, cave troll” means that at least you’re being heard. It’s one of those times that makes you feel like you’re ready to scrap the whole idea and try your hand in places where you might have more success…
If you weren’t attracted to her, you wouldn’t be writing to her in the first place, and it sounds like a pick-up line at best.
Instead, you want to start with”You look like you might be interesting.” “You seem like you could be cool.” “Something about your profile intrigues me.” See the common thread here?
But now that you’ve had some time to try things out…
have you considered that maybe, just maybe, you’re going about it all wrong?